I don't know what happened... it all turned to ashes.
Today, the leaves fell gently from their branches. Like those of last fall, slowly floating and drifting into the distance. My eyes gazed at them, seemingly doubting their existence. I could not believe... that a year had passed.
His footsteps were still present in every corridor of the house. His breathing so silent – almost negligible. I watched as the trees swayed, as every corner of the house seemed to be silent.
Yet, he remained.
Raindrops pelted the windscreen, like those teardrops clouding my vision. I squinted, trying to find a way out. But alas, to no avail, for the way out was one that was imaginary, one that would not see the daylight.
One more year, and yet another. Each turn of the clock bringing a new hope. The future, could not hold on much longer. And when everything was erased... I closed my eyes, took a deep breathe... and asked why.
Lord, I don't know much, nor do I know anything. I'm not the best friend there can be, I'm not who people wish for me to be. But I give as much as I can, not for approval, but because You love me. But sometimes, Lord... I'll draw from You. You're my source of life, of hope, of strength, of joy. I will draw from You, Father.
.fading beauty
I wished I could be.
The raw feeling when you get up. The pain that comes from a stab in the night. Unbearable. Sometimes, dreams seem to be so real. It becomes hard to differentiate the dream from reality. But something else, so easy to detach...
Yet, of no good.
Every little thing.
Those random beats. The head nodding with eyes closed. Straining just one more step. Finally reaching ground. These little things...
you wanted.
And yet another year goes by. The days pass, like a train whirring by. The fan spinning - endless, till the circuit breaks. And everything trips. A short circuit.
All the time.
Father, my heart is Yours.
.the heart of brokenness
His light shines through, into the darkest places, into the most hidden of places.
You draw me near, Jesus.
Here I am, at Your feet, in my brokenness - complete.
.victorious
When you enter the court, as you have learned in biology, you cannot prove something to be true, but you can prove something to be false. It's always easier to prove that you are not guilty, rather than you are guilty.
It's the same with life, at times. Times like these, when sometimes you can't help but wonder.
So many things, can only be speculated. No amount of wondering can ever bring things to light. Until... and unless, you question.
Lord, let Your light shine through.
.pleadings
Words. I love them, yet I dislike them all at the same time. Perhaps it depends on who says them. Perhaps it depends on whether they're followed by actions. Perhaps, it depends on how sincere they were.
All these words... how much they amount to. I wonder.
Seated in the back of the two-letter vehicle today. Listening to them speak. Looking at the drawing. Those black circles, those red underlines. The laughter that followed. It all just brought me to realize how real all these things are, yet how unreal they are. Simply because... because again.
D-cycloserine. Used for... improving exposure therapy for specific phobias.
Autumn leaves
Embarking on a journey
Covering the ground
Leaving just a trace
Of what once was.
Lord, I have no more words.
.catharsis